


(Vending) Machine of Destruction

by TheFaceless



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, And Paranoid, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Ice Cream, Lapis is a flirt, Peridot is awkward, Sarcasm, Swearing, vending machine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-06-21 05:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15551136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFaceless/pseuds/TheFaceless
Summary: In the middle of the night, Peridot finds her arm stuck in a vending machine.





	1. The Potential Serial Killer

I guess getting fired was a bad idea. And yelling at the most powerful person the ass-lands have ever been ruled by was probably even dumber. But who would be able to control themselves if a human equivalent of a giraffe in a tight pant suit started scolding them for doing the thing they had been doing for years wrong?

 

Yes, I admit it was an idiotic decision, but over the 23 years of my life I have come to the conclusion that it's in no way shameful to be an idiot. Being a drunk, enemployed idiot with no money left for food, however... that's a different kind of story.

 

And that's probably how I got here. I say probably, because I can't remember. All I know is that I no longer have a job. Instead, I have a massive headache, broken glasses, a shirt that now smells like vodka, drool all over my face, and an arm stuck in a vending machine. And no idea how to get it out.

 

Now, if you're asking why there's a vending machine in my apartment building, I don't know. It hadn't always been there, one day I woke up, walked out the door and had to fight my way through the unusual crowd. At first I thought there had been a murder and people came to see the body, but no, nothing so exciting. The owner of the buiding apparently just wanted to make more money than he was already getting from our overly expensive rent.

 

Still, this is somehow not the worst day of my life. Having your arm stuck in a vending machine is nowhere near as frustrating as for exaple hitting your toe on a dresser or sitting in front of a child on the bus.

 

What I'm trying to say is that I can get out of this. I just need to twist my arm in the right way, and it will slide right out.

 

And so I begin. I twist my arm in such angles I'm afraid it might break. I hit my head on the machine more than once, which, in addition to my headache, hurts like a bitch. Okay, maybe this won't be so easy.

 

"Stay calm, as long as no one sees you, you still have time..." And with that I proceed to pull my arm out once again, only to hear a painful crack in my shoulder.

 

"Ouch!"

 

"What the shit? It's 2 AM!"

 

Well, fuck.

 

I want to look at the source of the voice, but unfortunately it's standing right behind me in a place I can't see unless I break my arm.

 

"Seriously? Another one?" The voice says. It definitely belongs to a woman. She sounds tired and annoyed (understandebly so, seeing it's the middle of the night) .

 

She sighs. "Stay here, I'll bring the tools."

 

"Where the hell would I go?" I say. If I could leave, obviously, I would. But sadly, I can't, so now I'm dependent on a stranger unlucky enough to live in the apartment next to the vending machine. It's mortifying.

 

She chuckles and mumbles something under her breath, before I can hear her walking away.

 

After about two minutes, she returns.

 

"So, how did you get here?" she asks, sounding slightly amused.

 

I'm hesitant to answer. After all, for all I know, this girl might be a serial killer. And even if she's not, I don't need to tell a stranger my tragically embarrassing life story. But then again, she's the only one who can prevent me from dying a horrible death of starving with my hand in a cabinet full of food.

 

"Dunno. I woke up like this," I say. It's the truth, and it spares me any additional humiliation. The perfect compromise.

 

"Oh, c'mon. I've heard that one before." She kneels in front of me and sets the tool box on the floor. She has vibrant blue hair, recently dyed I assume. Her skin is slightly darker than mine, but still somewhat pale. Her face seems kind, but her blue eyes are hiding something. I don't blame them, I'm just a stranger who woke her up. Or possibly just interrupted her reading, judging from the dark bags under her eyes that seem like she hasn't slept in days. But somehow, that makes her rather intriguing.

 

"I'm your saviour, you owe me a better story than that," she says as she sticks her own arm about halfway up the dispensing hole and pours something on my arm.

 

"Oh... my... stars... that's really cold!" I practically scream, and she hushes me so that I don't wake up any more people. She then spreads the liquid on my forearm with her left hand. Not gonna lie, for a potential murderer, her hands are kinda soft.

 

"You haven't saved me yet," I reply to her previous comment, trying to ignore the ice-cold liquid running down my arm and staining my right sleeve.

 

"Yeah, but you're already closer to getting out than you were on your own." She smirks and pulls her arm out, surprisingly, without the slightest problem.

 

I sigh, I guess I can tell her something, it's not like my life's a secret or anything. But I want something in return.

 

"Only if you tell me your name."

 

"Lapis Lazuli," she replies without missing a beat.

 

She must have noticed my incredulous expression, because right after she adds:

 

"My parents thought it would be funny."

 

"Peridot Olivine," I say. For a second she gives me an unbelieving look of her own, and then she chuckles.

 

"Well, it's good to know my parents aren't the only ones with a terrible sense of humor."

 

Lapis puts something stick-like in the vending machine and shakes it a little. It bangs against the metal plate.

 

"So?" She asks.

 

I clear my throat. "My boss pissed me off, so I insulted her and got fired. Then I got drunk and woke up here." There. It's out. And it didn't hurt as much as I expected.

 

Lapis whistles. "Usually it's just hungry broke teenagers."

 

Well, I guess that's also accurate. She puts something else in the machine and twists it a little, before running a hand through her messy blue hair.

 

"Alright, you should be able to pull your arm out now."

 

And she's right. My arm slides out in a second. But there's a huge scratch on it, going from my thumb to mid-forarm. It seems fresh, so I must have injured it while pulling. Now my shirt is also stained with blood as well as vodka and what I assume is some kind of oil. I quess I'll have to throw it out.

 

"Shit. That doesn't usually happen," Lapis says as she looks around. There's no one there, only a dark hall with a creepily flashing light illuminating grey walls with cheesy pictures of some hills and forests. She gets up and gestures for me to do so as well.

 

"Come with me, I'll patch you up."

 

I think I went even paler than I already was. Having a stranger save you from certain doom is one thing, but visiting their apartment?! I knew I shoudn't have told her anything! Great, now I'm gonna die in someones crappy flat!

 

"No! Wait!" I panic and jump to my feet. The sudden blood pressure change makes me stumble backwards and hit my former captor with my back. It makes a loud noise.

 

What was I thinking?! She even knows my name! I am an idiot!

 

"Are you alright?" Lapis asks as she steps forward and offers me a hand. I jump to the right and pivot around her. She gives me a questioning look.

 

"Yes! I'm fine! You need not worry!" I say quickly, "Go back to bed. I can take care of myself!" And with that, I leap forward, down the corridor and up the stairs.

 

Upon arriving at my door, I fish in my pocket for the keys. I can hear footsteps behind me.

 

"Please be there! Please be there! Please be there!" I mumble to myself as I search one pocket after another. So far, I found my empty wallet, my phone, a pack of chewing gum, a small paper with someones messily scribbled number, and... bingo! My keys!

 

It takes me a few seconds to find the keyhole in the dark and in my panicky state, but I manage it. The footsteps are getting closer, so I quickly open the door and get inside my apartment. I lean back against the piece of wood and allow myself to finally breathe. I'm alive.

 

I search for the light switch on the wall, half expecting to see _her_ once I pull it. I close my eyes and do so.

 

No one.

 

After a few moments of silence, I head towards the bathroom, so that I can put a bandage on my bleeding arm. I pull open the first aid cabinet on the wall and sit on the cold bath tub.

 

What the hell just happened?


	2. The Miserably Hot Freezer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot spends her day in a burning freezer and gets some visitors.

 

Have you ever thought about how much you hate your goddamn life? I certainly have, and the answer is: a lot. You see, it's hard to appreciate your contemptible existance, when you spend 7 hours a day sitting in a wooden box, dealing with loud, indecisive children, their tired parents, and broke teenagers paying in bits of chewing gum of questionable origins and pieces of expired fast food coupons.

 

Let me start from the very beginning of my misery. As you might remember from my last entry, I got fired. So, because I'm, unfortunately, still human enough to have the need for food once in a while, I needed a new job. And what's a better job for a technical engineer in learning than selling ice cream in an ironically hot booth with nothing but a water bottle and an obnoxiously bright green uniform to keep me from death, caused by either the heat, or myself?

 

I am pulled out of my self-pity by a hand knocking on the wooden counter. I lift my head and see no one but trees, kids playing fetch with their dogs, and a few people having picnic on the lawn, being terrorized by hungry ants. I pull my torso about halfway out the small window, looking for whatever creature wants to chip in to my rent.

 

"Hi! Can I have some chocolate ice cream, please?" A boy so short I can barely see his forehead says from below the white counter and slams a crumpled two dollar bill on in with such force it shakes a little.

 

"Oh, oops. Sorry." He chuckles sheepishly, as he apologizes to the piece of wood.

 

I sigh as I take a cone from the stand, before wrapping it in a red napkin and pouring an average amount of ice cream in it. I need to lean out again to hand him his treat.

 

"Peridot?!" He looks at me with wide eyes. Oh, right. I was too embarrassed to tell my few friends about this.

 

"Hey, Steven."

 

"What are you doing here?" He asks as he licks his ice-cream, so that it doesn't drip on his fingers.

 

"Ehm... selling ice-cream...?"

 

"Oh, right." He chuckles. "I have to go now, but I'll see you around!"

 

"Right. Have fun. Wherever it is you're going." I say, desperately trying to fake a smile.

 

"You too!" He smiles for real.

 

"Oh, and Lapis says hi." And then he's gone. I don't even know what direction he took, I'm too invested in staring at a bench in the park across the street, occupied by a pile of blue. Blue clothes, blue hair, and blue eyes, staring right back at me. The eye contact surprises me, and suddenly I'm incapable of even the smallest of movements. We stay like that, staring into each other's eyes, for almost a minute, my mind is blank, I don't know what to think, but then the subject of my attention gets up, collects her belongings off the bench and heads my way. In sudden panic, I grab the half empty water bottle and pretend to be very interested in its design.

 

"Hey, are you alright? You left so suddenly. I was worried," she says with a concerned smile, leaning with her arm on the wall right next to the window. It makes me feel small, more so than usual, so I stand up, only to trip on air. I hit the wall with my back, the crash makes a board with available sorts and flavours of ice-cream fall to the floor, as well am my glasses. I can feel her gaze as I get on my knees to pick it all up.

 

"Are yoouu...?" Lapis starts slowly.

 

"Y-yeah," I stutter, putting my glasses back on, "I'm fine. Sorry, I'm dumb." The fact that the board I knocked down is still under my arm, because I'm feeling way too awkward to try and put it back on the wall, only boosts this statement. She looks at me in such a way I can't tell whether she wants to say "Of course you're not!" or "Yeah, you are." Possibly both. "A-are you a serial killer?"

 

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

 

I look at her with a confused (and probably scared) expression. She notices and shakes her head.

 

"The only things I kill are the flies, spiders and mosquitoes that somehow keep appearing in my apartment despite the closed windows and sonic repellers."

 

I wave of relief washes over me. "Oh, thank the stars..."

 

Lapis laughs. "You thought I was a serial killer?" She puts a hand to her chest a makes an offended face. "After I went through the trouble of saving you?" I can feel my ears changing hue. Put that way, I guess it does sound kind of dumb. The horrible urge to turn away keeps nagging me, and although I don't want to speak too soon, I don't think things can get any more awkward, so I grab the board from under my arm and turn around to put it where it belongs.

 

"Ehm... sorry." I say as I realize my crash with the wall made the nail fall off, too. Great.

 

"Not forgiven, buy me lunch." She smirks, looking me in the eyes.

 

I have to admit I wasn't expecting that. I turn back around, the board under my arm again, my face most likely resembling a baboon's backside. But I guess it's good knowing that she doesn't want my head on a spike. Then again, that's exactly what a serial killer would want you to think.

 

I look down at my the picture of a smiling ice cream cone on my shirt and then back up at Lapis. "Do I look like someone who can afford to buy someone else lunch?"

 

She looks a little taken aback by my response. To be honest, so am I. The truth that I didn't stutter this time makes me feel quite good about myself again. She looks to the side, her blue hair moving in the warm breeze. Then she turns to me again, looks me up and down, leans in closer to the window and smirks. All my confidence = gone.

 

"When does your shift end?"

 

My face is red yet again. Is she flirting? Or is this a normal human interaction, and I'm just an awkward nerd? Why would she be flirting with me? I put my hand in my right pocket, searching for my phone, before realizing that I left it at home so that it wouldn't distract me. Then I remember there's a clock in the booth.

 

"In four and a half hours."

 

She makes an exaggerated face and whistles as she leans back, allowing me to breath again. Then she looks at her phone and hums.

 

"Be here at seven."

 

She's gone with a wink, giving me exactly no time to reply. That's good, because I have no idea what to say. What just happened? I think as I start marching around the booth. Is she actually a murderer? Should I come? This whole this is suspicious, I would understand if she wanted payback for saving me, but I made it clear I don't have any spare money. So what's she getting out of asking _me_ out? No, not "ask out" as in " _ask out_ ", right? Right? _Is_ it a date? No, no, it can't be! I told her I thought she was a murderer for fucks sake! She saw with her own eyes how much of an imbecile I am! Why would she want to go on a date with me?

 

Oh my stars... she _is_ a killer!

 

Or is she?

 

I shake my head at my thoughts. No, I don't think she's actually a killer. What _is_ she? I slam my face into my hands. I sit down on the floor, seriously hoping I won't accidentally find the lost nail.

 

"Graaahaabbbaaaaaaaaa... habaraha...." I mumble.

 

"Dude? Are you alright?" A voice comes from the window. I look up to see four pairs of eyes staring back at me. 

 

"Hi again, Peridot!" Steven says. "I hope you don't mind I brought Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl with me."

 

Although it is embarassing to have them see me like this, I am physically unable to oppose Steven. It was him, who got me out of the worst mindset I ever had, after all. And now it's time for him to work his amazing magic again.

 

"Of course not, Steven." It's not like I don't like them. We may have got off on the wrong foot, but they have grown on me. Now they're like my second family. And that's exactly why I don't want them to see me like this.

 

"Peridot, get off the floor. You'll catch a cold!"

 

I grumble as I do as Pearl says. I know better than to argue with her. I wouldn't win that battle.

 

"So, Peridot," Garnet takes off her signature shades and looks me dead in the eyes, "speak."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the first 250 words like five times, because I was trying out a new program and accidentally deleted the file. Every. SIngle. Time.


End file.
